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Book Review - You’re Not Listening by Kate Murphy



Childhood behaviour


By Michael Hawton

12th February, 2021

I have been in the business of listening for over 30 years. In various career moves, I’ve had to listen being a teacher, a counsellor, and a report interviewer. I thought I knew a lot about listening. I’m not being arrogant about things, but I didn’t think that reading this book would make that much of a difference. But, here’s the thing. It did. I was blown away by this book. Its research backing is remarkable with at least 36 pages of research citations about where Murphy has verified her findings. It’s an easy read. It’s a page-turner and I found it hard to put down once I started.

There’s a chapter on listening to yourself. Fascinating. Murphy talks about how we can all learn how to wrestle with our emotional selves and how we can ‘tamp’ down our emotional reactions – acting as our own coach – to return-to-calm.

I’ve read over 20 books last year and this was in my two best reads. My other read was actually on how to play Texas hold-em poker by Maria Konnikova. That may or may not be your thing.

So, back to the task at hand. What You’re Not Listening gave me was a new “take” on listening. Listening is not just something we do with another person on the phone or in a room with another person. It’s something we can show to each other and something that we can help our children and our colleagues to partake in with lasting therapeutic benefits.

According to Carl Rogers, the guru of “active listening”, listening to opposing viewpoints (even within oneself) is a way to grow as an individual. Five stars for this book. I stake my reputation on it. It’s well worth taking a look at.

Michael Hawton, MAPS.

You can purchase You're Not Listening HERE.

For more books and resources visit the Parentshop shop HERE.

Parentshop is running an interactive webinar for parents to learn a parent-led intervention to reduce anxiety and build resilience in children aged 2 -12 years. The workshop will be held over three consecutive Thursday evenings 6th, 13th and 20nd May 2021 from 6.30pm – 8.30pm to register visit www.parentshop.com.au/parent-courses

About the author

Michael Hawton is the founder of Parentshop, providing education and resources for parents and industry professionals working with children. He has authored two books on child behaviour management: Talk Less Listen More and Engaging Adolescents.


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