Breaking the Anxious Accommodation Cycle

Patterns can emerge when families make adjustments to normal routines for children experiencing anxiety, this is referred to as accommodating. While these patterns may initially provide a sense of relief or temporary stability, they can inadvertently reinforce the anxiety in the long-term and hinder the development of resilience in children. However, breaking these patterns and fostering healthier dynamics is not an overnight task. It requires time, patience, and perseverance from families. The journey is worth it! It leads to better outcomes for children in the long run.

When a child experiences anxiety, it's natural for caregivers to want to alleviate their distress. In their efforts to help, they may inadvertently fall into patterns of accommodating anxious behaviour. This can include avoiding anxiety-provoking situations, constantly reassuring the child, or taking over tasks the child finds challenging. While these accommodations may provide temporary relief, they ultimately reinforce the child's belief that they cannot cope with uncertainty or discomfort on their own.

While accommodation may provide immediate relief for both the child and the caregivers, it can perpetuate a cycle of dependence and avoidance. Instead of learning to face their fears and developing coping strategies, children come to rely on external reassurance and avoidance tactics to manage their anxiety. Over time, this can lead to a decrease in resilience that exacerbates anxiety symptoms. The family may fall into a pattern of accommodation that is not sustainable. For example, if a child is consistently avoiding going to school because it makes them anxious, this may lead to a caregiver having to stay home from work.

So how do you break these patterns of negative accommodation?

Breaking the cycle of accommodating behaviour requires a shift in mindset and consistent effort from families. Before you get started there are some important things to note – small wins are still wins. You should try to implement small steps toward breaking the patterns, the key with this is consistency. It has been shown that seemingly modest interventions repeated over time can help children build their confidence and resilience thinking skills to overcome their anxious thoughts and behaviours. Another thing to remember is that reaching your goal of helping children to break their anxious patterns is that change will not be linear. Some days it might feel like all your progress has gone out the window. Try not to get disheartened when this happens, stay consistent and your hard work will pay off. Here are some strategies caregivers can use to break free from negative patterns and foster resilience in anxious children:

1. Normalise Anxiety: Help children understand that anxiety is a normal part of life, and everyone experiences it at times. By normalising anxiety, families can reduce the stigma associated with it and empower children to acknowledge and manage their feelings.

2. Encourage Facing Fears: Instead of avoiding anxiety-provoking situations, encourage children to face their fears gradually. Start with small, manageable steps and gradually increase exposure over time. By confronting their fears in a supportive environment, children can learn that they are capable of coping with uncertainty and discomfort. Tell them you believe they have the capability to overcome their fears but remember, don’t over-reassure them.

3. Foster Independence: Empower children to take on challenges and solve problems on their own. Encourage them to try new things, make mistakes, and learn from their experiences. By fostering independence, families help children develop confidence in their abilities and resilience in the face of adversity.

4. Celebrate Progress: Building resilience is a gradual process, and families may experience ups and downs along the way. Celebrate small victories and milestones, no matter how insignificant they may seem. Recognise and validate the efforts children are making to confront their anxiety and build coping skills. Hot tip: display visual representations of what the child has achieved. This might be a photo of them with their school teacher to remind them they were brave enough to go to school and they have the support of their school teacher also.

Building resilience in anxious children is not a quick fix; it's a journey that requires time, patience, and dedication from families. There will be setbacks and challenges along the way, but by persevering and staying committed to fostering healthier dynamics, families can empower their children to navigate life's challenges with confidence and resilience. In the end, the effort invested in breaking negative accommodation patterns and building resilience will lead to better outcomes for children and a brighter future ahead.

To learn more about how you can help families break accommodations cycles and start building resilience enroll now in Anxiety Coach

For more info and to register CLICK HERE - https://www.parentshop.com.au/professionals/anxiety-coach-family-specialists