One of the most common questions I hear from parents and educators is: “Why is anxiety so much more prevalent now?” It’s a valid concern. I want to help you understand what anxiety is, where it comes from, and why your response as a parent or caregiver matters more than you might think.
Let’s start with the basics.
What is anxiety, really?
Anxiety is a natural, biological alarm system. It’s a hardwired response designed to keep us safe from perceived danger. In evolutionary terms, it's been incredibly useful: helping our ancestors escape predators or avoid dangerous situations.
Today however, the threats our children face are rarely lions or other predators. They're emotional and social, like peer pressure, academic stress, or fear of failure. The brain doesn’t always distinguish between physical and emotional danger. The same internal alarm bells ring.
Anxiety shows up in three key systems:
Physical: racing heart, shallow breathing, sweating
Cognitive: catastrophic thoughts, rigid thinking, constant worry
Behavioural: avoidance, reassurance-seeking, anger outbursts.
The trouble is not that kids feel anxious, it’s that they’re staying stuck in anxious patterns, and many well-meaning adults are inadvertently reinforcing them.
The trap of accommodation
Parental accommodation refers to changes we make to help children avoid anxiety-provoking situations or reduce their distress. If you’ve ever let your child stay home from school to avoid a class they don’t like, or a sports day they didn’t want to participate in, or emailed a teacher to excuse an assignment because your child was too stressed, you’re not alone. Most parents do it with the best intentions.
But here's the tough truth: accommodations – when repeated – tend to backfire. They shrink your child’s world. Over time, they learn: “I can’t handle this. I need someone else to fix it for me.”
This is a concept I call "the accommodation trap". It's a cycle that begins with anxiety, leads to avoidance, gets reinforced by relief, and eventually undermines confidence.
We need to reverse that pattern. Not by throwing our kids in the deep end, but by helping them confront their fears in small, manageable steps standing beside them.
What's going on in the brain?
Children’s brains are still developing, especially in the areas responsible for regulating emotion and thinking flexibly. That means they’re more prone to amygdala hijack: when the fear centre of the brain overrides logic and calm thinking.
When a child is anxious, the amygdala sounds the alarm. The prefrontal cortex (which helps with problem-solving and rational thought) goes offline temporarily. That’s why your child might seem irrational, teary, or even defiant when anxious. They’re not being difficult, they’re feeling overwhelmed.
One of your jobs as a parent is to become their surrogate prefrontal cortex in the early years, guiding them calmly and gradually helping them take over that role as they mature.
Anxiety is contagious
Anxiety spreads. Children are highly attuned to our emotional cues. If we respond to their anxiety with our own stress or panic, it reinforces the sense that the world is dangerous.
Instead, when we remain calm, confident, and in control, we help turn down the volume of their alarm system. We send the message: “You can handle this. I’ve got your back.”
What this means for parents
The good news is anxiety is highly treatable, especially when parents know how to respond effectively.
Here’s what I want you to take away:
Anxiety is not dangerous, it is a normal part of life, but avoidance is
Repeated avoidance trains the brain to fear more, not less
You don’t need to eliminate your child’s anxiety; you need to coach them through it.
Your calm measured response is the most powerful tool you have.
Let’s raise resilient kids, together.
